Gaps, patches and in-betweens

Taxi is the most expensive public transport in Bangkok - the flag down is the most expensive compared to the cheapest minimum of any in the city. BTS's cheapest charge is 20bht, motorcycle taxi 10bht (if it's very near and not in the city proper), the tuktuk maaaaybe 40bht, the songtaews so much lower, and the BRT (as of now because is still within the promo phase) at 10bht. The 10bht of the BRT is from one end to the other which is Ratchapruek - walking distance from where I live, to Sathorn - walking distance to where I work. :D This is precisely why I prefer the BRT. There are of course, other, more expensive choices. My place is also near the BTS. Ok, the BRT might take more time than the BTS, but I like the travel time. It's time alone with my self and my thoughts - a rarity considering I have a family at home and an office to go to. 40 minutes of time to yourself. I particularly like the fact that it is not short distance travel of a few rides. I prefer one long ride ...

As of this writing, I am still reeling from shock. Thanks to the cancellation of my old passport because I have a new one, I was not able to go to Melbourne and had to miss the UN DPI/NGO conference on global health. Now even as I alternatively seethe and mope here in anger and frustration, the thing is - they don't care. When I picked up my passport which had me waiting for a month, the guy just took my old one and canceled it. when he handed me both old and new passports, I stood there in shock. But but... and the woman behind the glass window asked me "what is it?" and I told her I have visas in the old passport. Then she said - it doesn't matter. Visas are not canceled, only the passport is. Still, I stood there rooted to the spot, wishing the millions of thoughts running through my mind would slow down for me to catch them. Then she said "You can have it transferred," waving at me dismissively. Then I caught one thought: they wouldn't care less abou...

I have been traveling by myself for quite some time whether it's just to and from the office, or to conferences, countries. And I have lately resorted to eavesdropping. Before I didn’t care what was going on around me but now I cannot help it. This I do if I do not have my mp3 with me. I like these ‘keep it to yourself’ gadgets. If you crank it loud enough to a certain volume, it drowns out whatever noise there are around you – foreign language, foreign music, people on celphones, people chatting and lets you hear Rob Thomas crooning 3am to only you or get Green Day into your system at a level without worrying about the neighbors. If you crank it up some more, there is a level when you feel like you’re the star of your own MTV. You start to feel your feet and then body moving to the rhythm of the music. You resist the urge to strike a pose as the song hits a melancholy note or nod or roll your head to a rhythm. There would be times when other people will star in your MTV. Like when...

She was always nondescript, ducked behind the reception desk of the business center. I found her soft-spoken and a bit shy, her voice not among those who would laugh loudly when they're having fun at the lobby. She would always click the automatic lock open for those who have forgotten their key cards hoping to get away with it by smiling apologetically through the glass doors of our office space. I caught up with her in the pantry the other day as I was to have lunch and she was finishing up. At first we talked about where each of us were staying. My place is a bit far - or so I thought. Compared to within the city center, I guess you can say I live at least within city limits. She lives in the next province. I commute via a 20-baht van ride and the sky train, four stations away from the last station which approximately would take me 30 minutes or more travel time, depending on traffic. It takes her two hours to get to the office via a 50-baht van ride and then a bus ride. She liv...

When opportunity starts knocking, it comes one after the other. Sometimes, overlapping even. Is it bad timing? Or is it just fate teasing, flirting with you? Has it been decided on already or do we really have a choice in what happens? Or are our choices premeditated by our unconscious state of being and circumstance, with influences from social structures and other influential internal and external factors? And in the end is there ever really a choice? I would like to think that there is. When we look at ourselves, and others around us, and thinking about the opportunities presented to us in the past, and the present that we are looking at is less than the promise of amazing than was expected, we think: what the hell happened? And should one be faced with the question about one's own life - how do you answer that and be true to yourself? Do you say: life happened - which is a measly excuse for whatever happened to you and does not sound like owning up to wrong decisions and choi...

I first met her at an action protest event in Bangkok. Ok. Press rewind button. Bwzzzt. I first met her online for the action event protest in Bangkok on climate change. It was a skype meeting. We were both based in Chiang Mai but we never really met each other in person. Then we saw each other at the event itself a few days after where we joined the protest actions that culminated in a big event with all concerned groups and citizens telling the people inside the UN building to get their acts together, stop the yapping and commit to lesser carbon emissions. She was French, very pleasant and pretty. I think the boys only called me for a drink after the events to use me to get Amelie to go - but I was in Chiang Mai by the time they called. Shortly after the Bangkok events I left my work and have not been in touch with the group or with Amelie. Almost four months after, I saw an ad for a job here in Chiang Mai with a position that seemed to be crafted for me in Amelie’s organization. I w...

I found oooooold friends, neighbors in fact at our old place in Cainta on FB lately. Then I almost asked my 12 year old daughter of one neighbor we had when I was almost the same age as she is, mistaking her for my younger sister, until I caught myself thinking – hang on. There’s something wrong in this picture. My daughter will have no idea who I am talking about because she has not lived that life, in that neighborhood. When I realized I was on the verge of the slip-up and saved what remaining 38 year old dignity I have against another one of her 12-year old “You’re getting old, mom” looks, I thought, whew. What the hell was I thinking?! It was the strangest feeling. Friday, February 19, 2010

Maybe it is man’s nature to be in awe and scared of something bigger than himself. The matter of size and power scares him, heightening the feeling of not being in control. So he tries to overcome that fear by transferring it, instilling the fear in the bigger, wiser animals and controlling them. He tries to have power over the animals by teaching him his ways, his understanding of things, what he wants the animals to do until man has brainwashed them and the massive, powerful beasts are subdued and tamed to thinking that man is their master. Yet even with man’s self imposed stature in this power structure and being able to command the animals, fear is still never far from his mind and heart as evidenced in the way he conveys his instructions. He screams, yells, and gives orders seemingly angry at himself for being small and weak thus projecting fake confidence by hurling rough words in booming voices like whips trying to convince himself that he is in charge. It reminds me of the way ...

Coffee, tea and you A long, long time ago A time and place buried in the trunk with your baby socks You asked for milk. An uncomplicated thing, really. You smiled at me with milk mustache. Then you switched to chocolate drinks, then discovered soda. When you moved on to the occasional beer, You discovered my favorite coffee To chase the hangovers away You started drinking tea In your new found calling And brought some home from places I have never heard of even if it was in my own country A world that I only see on the news With problems too complicated for me to fathom You once compared it to my weaving where each Complication runs over then under the other Making a bigger patchwork to form a blanket that can cover us all I almost understood it then But you had to rush off to a meeting Or a rally I caught a whiff of gin in your breath I was too amazed at your passion to try to question what you do Until I heard that you are not coming home For now… Maybe...

Milk Milo Milo (undiluted) Ovaltine (undiluted) Sips of beer Sips of gin Coffee Beer Gin…Gin, gin, gin, gin, gin, gin Beer, gin, beer, gin Coffee, beer, gin, coffee, beer, tequila, gin, vodka, water, water Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer Wine Coffee, beer, gin, coffee, beer, tequila, gin, vodka, tea, water, water Gin tonic And I’m not sure what comes after this stage as it is still to happen And then I’m guessing Dextrose. 2/6/2010 4:06:58 PM

You know how people who look alike seem to have the same personality traits without them ever being remotely related to each other? Well, I just had the weirdest Sunday. First we met a girl who with big bright eyes, round-faced, bit on the short side, one length hair short hair, bubbling personality, much like how someone successful who would be working for a PR agency. She was the previous vice president of a Filipino federation in Chiang Mai and we were told that as such, she was good. Her type of personality was of those successful ones in the field of networking or public relations. She knows what to ask, she is funny and very engaging. She reminded me of someone I know through work. Then even Kigao said she reminded him of someone with the same personality, facial features, and even the way they talk. Later that day, I met two other people. One looked like a typical used to be mass communications student in UP Diliman, pleasing personality, sweet voice, thinnish, tallish, and remi...

Yes, Hans Christian Andersen's. I’ve recently read, well, ok, listened (audio book) to the story again. I was saving some audio books on the mp3 for the kids to listen to before they go to sleep – well, not because I wanted to skip my telling them a story, well, ok, maybe that a little bit but ok, back to my point - and I rediscovered the story. As usual, I laughed as I always had since I came upon the story when I was a little girl: at the vanity of the elites, the arrogance and pride of the ministers and authorities, and best of all their stupidity because of all that and not wanting to risk social status, a high ranking job, or being called a ‘simpleton’. Stupidity under the guise of intelligence. These people ‘of authority’, with ranks, thought to be wise and smart did not want to be the first to pull the plug on the trick and chose not to see and state the obvious of all. They would rather live with the lie, go with what the other ‘wise’ or ‘smart, ‘intelligent’ people have...

More than a year has passed since my last blog. aaaaand i can't get past this first line mwehehe Happy 2010!