Gaps, patches and in-betweens

She was the wind beneath Papa's wings. The reason why and how he was the eagle that he was. She was our strength. Her love knew no boundaries. She lifted and flew us to where and how we all are now. A strict piano teacher, she was also an awesome pianist. She never missed any of my school events even if it was as small as giving of class cards. She kept the proof of our achievements and mementos which later were more intact and in place than the land titles. She made sure I looked nice during important and not-so-important events, and always checked on whether I combed my hair or was wearing a nice dress to church. For Mama, torn jeans were not cool, but doormats as I discovered coming home one day, as a teenager. Yet she was more excited for me to wear the party dress that she ordered sewn and personally ironed herself. She was our staunch supporter, always backstage cheering us on, her quiet presence encouraging us to fulfill our dreams, no matter what they were. To her, ...

Davao. A couple of years ago. He walked into the karaoke place where students in drunken stupors were waiting for their second wind. A man who has had his fun share of brandy was trying to belt out...something.  I have already done a couple of songs and downed more than a couple of beers when I noticed him. He was trying to be nondescript by the entryway, checking out the place trying to decide whether or not to stay.  He came in and sat down, bobbing his head to the beat of the ok,.. terrible singing. I nudged my friend and nodded to the new character. “I bet he will blow us away.” He thumbed the songbook and put in five pesos, which earned him two songs.  His voice washed off the beers, and my courage to take the microphone.  My friend and I looked at each other. She grabbed the songbook and started keying in one song after another, requesting him to sing. We bought him a beer. He refused the second bottle and pulled out from his back pocket, a Gr...

Like you. Like me. The girls are taller than us now. Time bears down on our skin, our faces, Pulling our breasts down Slowing our pace Warning us to Breathe. We rushed and even stumbled, Trying to beat their growing up before us, Before we can even learn about this career called motherhood Let alone master Life. They cause wrinkles on our brows. Their eyes sometimes soothe, sometimes worsen the worry. Their laughs massage our body aches. They take after you. They do not take after you. They care about the things that matter to you. Sit down. Get that drink. Watch and enjoy the fruits Of our old. Written for a friend in 2015. "I am an X in an indeterminate equation. And that X is the rock upon which I stand." - Mario Puzo

The TV is showing the latest press conference of the president. It is Sunday. I sit in the living room and think that I am having a deja vu.  Years ago I was small with the then-president hogging all the airtime on an otherwise lazy Sunday morning. I didn’t understand then. I was too small and too busy going about my 4/5-year-old business.  Today I feel my heart growing heavier with each curse thrown at everyone who dares criticize the process to achieve his end. No one has ever done anything, not any one of his critics. It is so negative, heavy and wrong and it is shaking me to the core.  So much so that I am ready to snap at anyone, even those who can never be a party to my inner turmoil. This is what we have had for six years. Soon we will be cursing and stabbing each other. We will put on our sense-of-entitlement-to-what-we-think-is-morally-right hats and be vigilantes regardless of how hurtful, or the lives it would take to be right and just. Because t...

Litter of a life of disregard Clutter the streets we call home Children barely in school and adults Spit everywhere, Hurl curses as an expression Of awe, of aghast, of blame At every little ****ing thing. We claw at those who are silent Throw stones at the victim Punish the weak Ridicule misfortunes Mutilate the broken Wish people bad because they do not think like us. Hurting is the new norm. Hitting without thought of our actions, Of each other. Once We were proud but we cared. We smiled and meant it. The jokes were not at anyone’s expense. Talent was used to heal, to bring together. Loyalty and love were not for sale. Did the downturns of life armor us With rudeness and disrespect Anger to mask fear A pretense for strength? How did I get here absorbing all these? I have no armor.   The wounds from the lashes bleed. My blood is drained. I am scared and hurt. I want to believe, Before I close my eyes That I will be...

(an ongoing thing) When you sit with your eldest child until the wee hours of after midnight and talk, talk and talk. (2015, Halloween break) When your eldest child keeps thanking you for whatever reason, some of which are within the context of: Having heard family stories of other kids. After admitting that moving so much when she was younger made her an introvert and just when she has gained enough confidence and established new friendships, it was time to move again. Then at 18, out of nowhere, she thanks me for the experience and the  chance to live in Thailand. For raising her the way I have – whatever that means. For the music influence in her life. When while watching TV, you relate to the character getting drunk and say:  "I wanna get drunk enough!" And your youngest says "You can. You’re home." Knowing that you’ve chosen the right friends because your kids miss them.  "I am an X in an indeterminate equation. And that X is...

Or things I do not need in my life right now or any other time for that matter series 1. Stale cigarettes 2. 3 in 1 coffee 3. "tinarantadong itlog" - messed up egg, especially for breakfast. "I am an X in an indeterminate equation. And that X is the rock upon which I stand." - Mario Puzo