Gaps, patches and in-betweens

how I sing my song how I play the piano how I recite the poem how I tell the story of you How I recognize you How I know it’s you I am afraid. I can only hope that my love for you will survive the pain and hurt I have caused that may make you want to forget. Please remember for me as long as you can  because pretty soon, I won’t, you see but you can. "I am an X in an indeterminate equation. And that X is the rock upon which I stand." - Mario Puzo

When fueled by anger, envy or jealousy  that blink could snap you like a twig, or hit you like a bullet a feeling, a word, a snapshot An orgasm An abortion A betrayal A heartache A stealing An excuse When healing, you need more than split seconds sometimes an eternity to bury a memory, a photo, a message In between a second to eternity you flick off the feeling of wanting to slap that can ruin and kill  or keep you alive. "I am an X in an indeterminate equation. And that X is the rock upon which I stand." - Mario Puzo

As I wait for my grey hair to show, I acknowledge that I have not yet found my medium.  It's been a while since a paper or monitor was full, words in my head crisp, fresh and nonstop, pouring as I put them down and give them life — long form, short form, shortest forms like haikus, song, Word I also like sound, hearing or reading poetry in my head  Of voices that can caress or whip and slash at least other people’s when they carry a tune, a pitch, a rhythm, a note  because I cannot. I can only make sounds or noise on the keyboard or guitar. Ah.  Maybe it is my voice on, what? a joke in a barren tone giving no cues for laughter or pauses for applause. Or when when my voice laughs, unhinged and seemingly forced Or when it speaks nasty of others Especially when it yells at my loves  before I have time to close my mouth and the sound leaves my body. It deafens me so much so that it erases all meaning of the good words — the kindness, the patience that I let go despi...