Mother's Day Muse-ings

I have been very lucky. I have been surrounded by amazing mothers. I have known mommies who have demonstrated inconceivable strength, loved selflessly and transcended age, physical beauty and life itself. They exude a radiance that old age can never blur, a glow that emanates and shines not from whitening lotions or make-up (well that too!), but more with the kind etched with experience, wisdom and knowledge of loving and living. They have eyes that have hardened at one point from stress or disillusion, or sunken from lack of sleep as they kept watch over a little one who had twisted and turned from fever the night before, or from homesickness. They have a generous kindness that has sacrificed more than a masters degree or a PhD, sometimes even their daily presence among the very people they are working so hard for. The hard, coarse palms from years of doing the laundry (until the onset of washing machines, and only when it was finally affordable) and household chores, or the muscles from carrying the babies and the lives they have chosen to be part of, have all added to their inner strength. There are also the fantastic mommies who have grown gorgeous with mommyhood that also deserve kudos for achieving the remarkable balance of all of the above and the care for the self. They all make me proud.

Yet I also know that there are moms out there who are not as lucky. I think of the many women who have died because of complications during pregnancy or were not given the chance to choose whether they want to be mothers or not. Women who have suffered due to the lack of maternal health services and facilities needed to keep them alive and women who up to now struggle to keep their dream for their children alive, never mind the dream for themselves. I think of all the moms who have not had the chance to experience a world where they can fully explore their potential and still be loving moms, and mommies who have been denied the right to choose for themselves. I think of the moms who have been or are being discriminated in the workplace or who cannot find a job or run for office because they are moms. I think of the moms who are continuing to suffer in violent relationships, moms who have suffered and are continuing to suffer because of lack of services, government support, and policies that support our decisions, or the existence of laws that hinder free choice and norms that perpetuate bigotry. I am humbled by their lives and experiences and yes, of their deaths.

It is not easy to choose a path that is not fully supported by policies, by social and cultural norms, a path blocked by forces who purport to know what is best for us. We're "damned if we do, damned if we don't". What is essential for me is the conscious thought that we have chosen this path and it is what we want, and were not coerced or fooled into it by romantic notions of "salvation", norms, duty, role, social pressure, bias, religion, culture, or misinformation, masked as love, honor and sacrifice. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have good options, environment, system and life that enable one to truly and consciously choose to be a mom, and be happy and healthy with that decision. For what I have had so far, I am truly grateful.

Today and everyday, I toast to all the wonderful moms and for their influence in my life - my lola, my mom, kigao's mom, my aunts, all my friends, my sisters out law, my sisters in law, and everyone! - I send out positive thoughts to all the moms who have been denied the joys of mommyhood or who have been forced to it, and I give a hearty salute to all would-be moms and those who are choosing not to be, and those that have played or are currently playing a mommy role to an individual, to a family, in communities and in society.