Gaps, patches and in-betweens

I was getting angry. It was end of the day and things didn't go well at work. It was about branding, office environment. That sort of thing. It left me tense, the back of my head hot and I dared not check my blood pressure. The office sign was off. It took three visits, a year of planning, designing, back to back meetings, permissions, Covid - and we still got it wrong.  There I was huffing and puffing with remnants of office matters. I decided to wash it off with tequila shots and two movies after my daughter forced me to do deep breathing while clearing up after dinner. In the middle of the first movie, I got a message asking me if I knew someone in Iriga. It's the next town after my parent's hometown. Five minutes drive.  A friend who is also a former colleague has been in prison after being red tagged. He was moved to Iriga from Cavite. He left Silang Tuesday evening. Plenty of time to have gotten to Iriga by now.  Nobody has heard if he arrived at the jail some 10 ho...

Revel enjoy oneself   in   a  lively and noisy way, especially with drinking and dancing   Normal every day, birds Tweet and twirl in their air dance  Able now to breathe Rivet hold (someone or something) fast so as to make them  incapable  of  movement While we stop breathing  Dying inside, lonely with Nights of black and blue  Ritual  a   series  of actions or  type  of behavior regularly and invariably followed  by   someone The moon is brightest When silver is unpolished And we’re not ready Rebel show  or   feel   repugnance  for or resistance to something I should be grateful  That I am still able to And of course, I am Also knocked off my rhythm choked, useless, powerless depressed. And on a totally different note, Anniversary reveal Let us not sit down Today for this cup of tea I do not drink tea. One Monday night on a 6th of September "I am an X in an indeterminate equat...

I know my seasons. Dry would be the summer when I would traipse around with friends and try hard, on clear, starlit nights  to not wish   you were with me. I keep busy with one beach, mountain or city in the world so I don't have to think about the beach, mountain or city you are at.  Wet is the worse. I hate the typhoons that would force me to stay inside, mess up the internet signal and drag me down to nostalgia as the nip in the air and damp outside force me to think of warm bodies safely in bed  And the storm inside that it would build, from your narcissistic motivation towards sweetness to lure, then betray and my devastation  My eyes are moist and shining as I pull through, sometimes triumphant, sometimes crawling toward the cool season.  When the air switches and makes me grab my jacket, I will be in wonder but less angry. Forgiving of myself and grateful for having loved.  A new year rolls in full of hopes and reboots. And the year goes arou...

She’s making the house nice. But no one really is in a hurry to get home. She is disappointed. She likes to be surrounded by people and hates being alone. I am the opposite. I love my privacy and solitude. Maybe that’s why she is more loved, called upon, and will be missed and remembered when gone. I will probably have a smattering of warm bodies. Lucky if they would even make the effort. Hers would. I could see them going through mountains and hurricanes just to pay their respects. They would walk if there are no flights.   My lot would probably wait out the drama, if any, light a candle, pour wine and fondly think about the good and the bad times, wherever they are. Like what I do now. I would probably have the undertaker and the staff at the funeral home, whoever is not busy. She would have a party. I would want one but no one will organize it. When I build a house, I will make sure that it is for myself as much as it is for those coming home. So much so that ...

"Ma'am, please remove metal, jewelry and everything that may affect the ECG," the young nurse told me. I found a ring on her limp, left hand. I took it off and her unconscious body seemed to protest.  I had flashbacks of when she would make me wear gold earrings and come home with them gone and me with no clue as to where they were, her raised voice wailing at how careless I was. I tucked the ring in my pocket which later my daughter said was her wedding ring. It was the longest, oldest thing in that new hospital room aside from her. Older than me. Older than the machines connected to her unconscious body. She forgot about a lot of things in her last months like whose house she was in, and the names of her grandchildren. Except when she heard music. Alzheimer's leaves when she was in front of the piano as though a sound from the distant past was playing in her mind and transposing it to her fingers on the keyboard. Her fingers flew, tapped, pounded or caressed the ...

I wish it is but this is not about drinking. We marked yesterday as the day when we can say that the whole family is now fully vaccinated from the virus that caused the world to stop last year and continue to claim lives more than a year after.  We had to take turns in different circumstances, times and kinds of vaccines. The older ones had theirs first separately, then the young.  Last Friday also marked the day when the last two adult cats were neutered. Their humans weren’t the only ones who had to go through a medical process of sorts during the lockdowns. Since September last year, I made it a mission to get the then seven cats to stop procreating.  There were discussions, points raised like "What about the next generation?" but I stood my ground and painstakingly nagged everyone almost monthly to book a slot and then take the cats to the city vet. We waited patiently for any free spaying and neuter schedule we can get. They could only accommodate one pet per family....