A letter to my daughter on her 18th

I know you don't like the letters that I write to you. But I don't always give you a letter on your birthday, so bear with me.

Dear Ilaw,

They say that 18 is the age when you become an adult. That is bull****. It is just the start of having a say on who you think will be good for our country, who you think will pave better roads to give you and your friends the environment to pursue what you want to do, with enough opportunities to do so.

Thinking for yourself, making your own decisions, sticking by them and knowing when to let go do not happen "from hereon." You have always been at it even when you were yay small.

I never told you to study hard. Well, maybe Tatay did. What is important when one is in school is you enjoy the learning process that it offers. And you actually learn something. And yet, you did study. You took your sweet time, in between book chapters of "Series of unfortunate events", but you did.

You and your sister were not those kids who would turn into monsters when they do not get what they want. You were a quiet child back then. Tatay said you were thinking. But I prefer to think that you were taking in everything you see and feel around you.

I know there were disappointments - and there still are - there will always be. It's called life. There were heartaches - all the moving, the adjustments, new friends, no friends. But see, people gravitate to you because you are you. And these friends will be online so keeping in touch is easier now than during our time. But please don't leave home because we have not paid the internet bills.

We cannot afford to give you a sky-dive event today (another disappointment). But I do have some words, which as cliches go, are priceless. So here are some of the valuables we are bestowing on you:

You’ve always taken your time. Keep that value. As a child, you were always just observing other children. I remember at the daycare (with Kuya Nigel) when teachers would rave about how “good” you were as you stayed in the crib while the others were making the teachers sorry they decided to do daycare. Were you wondering what the hell is going on, or stunned at how rowdy kids can get? Until (finally!) you decided you want to join in the ruckus. To me, you seem to have thought long and hard about the pros and cons? If so, I hope it translates to whatever you do “from hereon”. Slow and steady wins the race than fast, furious and dead.

Be kind. Not just to the environment or the earth. You live among mortals, dear demi-god. They can only be human. Kindness goes a long way and it comes back ten-fold.
Be humble. I know it is difficult when you have so much to be proud of. Great is the one who can live among mortals and still be kind because they are, after all, mere mortals.

Smile often. Your face lights up a thousand watts when you do. And you'd be surprised at the good feeling it gives you when someone else returns the smile; and what you can get away with (wink, wink).

Don't be madamot with your voice. You can share more than your love for the environment. Speak up and say your ideas. Don't be shy. Let us hear your music and sing for us. Even for just your old man, your young mom and forever younger sister, Diru. Think of the contribution of your voice and music to the energy and vibe of the world.

Don't force yourself to be an adult. Just be yourself. It is good to be mature and serious about issues but it is also okay to be young and free. You will have so many chances to be mature and decide on what is best rather than what is right, or fun! Keep the child in you. That child will save you from the insanity and boredom of adult life.

Keep learning. Keep the curiosity. Keep the wonder. Even as you blame your parents for your music tastegrin emoticon, you have done a lot for and by yourself on your own. You have come around, well enough to use analysis when you see fit. Good enough to weigh decisions first and realize and learn from mistakes. Proud enough to bravely move on despite hiccups and confident enough to laugh at epic fails.

Like any other year, month, week or day, it is the time to discover and revel in the process of discovery. New people, new places, new books, new ideas, new apps, new levels of emotions, new friendships, new perspectives, new sweaters, new shirts, and new loves. And life has so much space to accommodate all of these. Your heart is big enough for this. Take it all in and choose: ridiculously, wisely, awkwardly, but choose. Choose to have fun and enjoy the choosing. Follow your heart, not the dictates of the righteous, or the pressure of peers, but the rhythm of your heart that is the beat and music of your soul.

If there will always be disappointments, there will also always be love. You have no idea how much Tatay and I love you and your sister. Loving you unconditionally is probably the only thing we can give you every day for the rest of your and our lives. Not just today. It is not a prize that you earn or a gift because of a special day. It just is.

That being said, happy birthday, anak.

I hope you enjoyed your tree planting, bonfire and jamming day. smile emoticon

Love,
Nanay

"I am an X in an indeterminate equation. And that X is the rock upon which I stand." - Mario Puzo